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MARCH 7, 2004She's from a top school. He's not
Should they be dating? It's great, say some; it's doomed, say others. Issue sparks furious debate on the internet
By Wu Peining
AN APPARENTLY harmless remark on the Internet about a girl from a top secondary school dating a boy from a neighbourhood school has sparked off a furious debate about whether they are suitable for each other.
The discussion on the website www.icered.com generated more than 500 postings over four months. It all started when 'big boy' mentioned last October that he has a friend from a neighbourhood school dating a student from Raffles Girls' School (RGS).
'Big boy', who started the thread, said she would 'totally be stolen' by students from top schools. That remark opened the floodgates and soon the website was deluged with opinions over whether the relationship would work, given the different 'status' of the two students. The opinions were evenly divided. Those against the relationship included 'Cynic' and 'RJCdude', who were adamant that it was doomed.
Cynic was sure 'it's not going to work out' while RJCdude put it more bluntly: 'Quit trying desperately to climb the social ladder. The higher you go, the more you will feel your inferiority.'
Among those enthusiastic about the relationship was kennys8, who said 'love has no barrier'. Another supporter, Ex-RGS, said she is a Master's degree holder and is dating a guy with O levels - someone she described as 'the best in the world'.
The case of the RGS girl and the neighbourhood school boy is not unique. A 17-year-old, who wants to be known only as Kenneth, has just completed his O levels in Raffles Institution. He is dating a girl who has just completed her O levels in Kranji Secondary School. She is waiting to attend a polytechnic. They have been dating for about six months.
'I find that top schools' girls are more career-minded,' he said, adding that he is attracted to his girlfriend as she is 'motherly'.
The Sunday Times team spoke to 10 students who all agreed that such relationships were okay.
Chow Zhaoyu, 16, a Secondary 4 student from Raffles Institution, said: 'If they like each other, they should be together. The guy might be a late bloomer and develop his potential later.'
Zhaoyu, whose father is a senior building supervisor and mother a housewife, lives in a maisonette in Serangoon North.
He sees no problem with dating a girl from a neighbourhood school. 'Most of us (Raffles Institution students) are from neighbourhood primary schools anyway,' he said.
A sociologist, Associate Professor Ho Kong Chong from the National University of Singapore, even 'applauds' the relationship of the RGS girl and the neighbourhood school guy.
'If young people are only concerned about dating others from similar backgrounds, they would have lost a lot in terms of life experience,' he said.
One concern about this issue is the prejudice against neighbourhood school students.
Mr Kurt Wee, 30, vice-president of the Association of Small and Medium Enterprises and a former student of Gan Eng Seng Secondary School, said: 'There is actually nothing in Singapore to stop someone from a humble background from excelling in studies. Although the contacts that one gains from going to an elite school can be useful, nobody is in any position to say that neighbourhood school students can't do well in society.'
Some parents, too, said the school a person goes to should not limit his or her potential - or choices when it comes to dating.
Dr Leong Liew Geok, 56, a retired academic, said of her daughter Teh Su Ching, 19 - who has just finished her A-level examinations in Raffles Junior College:
'I have no objection to her dating a neighbourhood school boy. I think that it is important for one's social development to mix with different classes and races.
'Dating need not necessarily lead to marriage.'
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